Why did you never cry dad?

The tears turned to ice in the kolkhoz

the what, dad?

the camp where they worked us to death ..

A place where you lived with  a knife in your insides every minute of the day.

 

When we went to work deep in the woods where the tracks were being laid, our job was to cart the wood and materials there to make the way for the railroad. It was icy and hard and we dropped like flies into the snow .. i didnt envy them though ,, to live was better than to die and i would out tough the bastards.

 

The bread was rationed in proportion to the amount of work we did .. there were quotas and percent quota filled meant grams of bread. My brother wouldn’t work .. for him it was the masada mentality but I told him we weren’t in Palestine and that I would fight the bastards to the death .. I wouldn’t sit on my bed and die .. not for me .. not for a second .. and you know what I told him? .. I ‘ll do enough to keep us both alive..

My brother looked at me with his loving eyes and said a bunch of stuff that would have made our estranged mother cry .. after a while my brother did do a bit of work and together we made it through .. then the stupid man went to the land of that Bastard that allowed this to happen .. and how many times did i go across the world to visit him in his fancy shmancy eretz isruel .. and he never once came to chutzlaretz to see us .. ah well .. i understand they never wanted to leave there .. we've all dont a lot of talking since we came up here .. you remember we all fell in a row beginning with your mother. Ah .. our sweet Lushenka .. she is such a beautiful girl .. everything you knew her as when you were little in that enormous land of ours where you cot faced onto the giant tree which took up the length of the window that ran from ceiling to floor .. all two stories of it.

When all you had to care about was whether i would finish your beautiful frock for your birthday that fifth year of yours.

You were already 20 ..

you stood on those steps in the ink blue dress with its fine and dainty lace work on collar and bodice. I looked at my handiwork of the garment i had made and the child wearing it whom i had also made .. in this image i found a love of life that nothing before had given me.

thank you my daughter for every day you brought a smile to my face .. and though dear girl you brought so many tears that each one brought an icicle in my guts .. ah you were a wild one my girl ..

 

Nuh dad .. can I ask now .. after nearly six years .. did you get all the answers?

Not yet .. he tells me

So you must have a lot of questions

Well yes .. i am still in my early teens in Lodz and there is much going on at the shul that i want explaining .. the Abishter is being extremely gracious and giving me full and satisfying answers so its taking some time.

 

but also

The Abishter likes to play chess .. so we play

And we talk

He likes soccer

So we watch together and coach a bissel

You know how it is .. very happy to see you coaching my darling daughter .. I loved you when you were born and even before .. I wanted you against every thing they put up in front of us .. I threatened to kill the Bastards if they laid a hand or a knife on your mother .. and she the poor darling .. terrified of them .. terrified of me .. sheeesh ..

I loved this little girl Lusia with everything I knew to be good and decent and worth living for .. after everything this girl had been through she was not the least bit vile ..

 

And so .. tati .. you are glad to be with your mumi and tati again?

Sure I am .. its very good for a man to be someone’s son .. and my heart grieves that I am not with you there to eat at your shabbos table or go to shul with you .. mami says she has loved being with you since the first day you went to that shul .. you always knew she was there and she loves you for that . .. and now you know what it is ..

 

As you have always known .. the cards and the stones and the mists and the phones .. and all of them led back to a simple keyboard .. not the musical one you so pined for or the microphonic one which you also mastered but the plain old simple one of the secretary .. we speak and you write .. well now its type .. and you must learn to get hip to the really little ones .. shrink your fintertips somehow .. lol .. I will ask one of the bubbes who keep the meises up here and come back to you with an answer ..

Thank you tati ..

 

Nuh .. your Chai Time is up dear daughter and I must away .. my king is in check and the Abishter is getting impatient with me .. be well my girl .. zey gebentcht ve gezint n gey mit mazal v glik

stay hip to the yid within